The simple will to grow

I visited my previous article, All eyes on me, to check out what’s going on with the blog. I read it some time ago. And, here’s what I think: I’ve lost the touch, it seems. And, I don’t really like the way I have structured the whole article either. When I fail to make out what I’m saying, I feel embarrassed. And, it does seem like I’ve lost the touch of some kind. But, I still know how to write – so I’m not going to claim that I’ve lost the touch of writing. It’s an impossible thing to happen out of the few impossible things to happen in this world.

It’s like swimming. Once you learn how to swim, you are least likely to forget the form next time you’re drowning. This article is my attempt at swimming, somewhere between the lines of deep-diving at nineteen and drowning at twenty-two.

We’ll know what we’ve lost, as a blog. Here’s what we’ll do (I’ll do) to get back on the track:

  1. REMEMBER
  2. REASON
  3. REPEAT

I just came up with three “REs” just like that. Always a fan of such patterns.


First, I’ll try to remember why I started this blog – or the whole journey of creativity in general. Then, I’ll argue my reasons for doing what I did as a writer (self-acclaimed, phew). And, I’ll probably end up luring myself to repeat the habit of writing.

We know we’ll repeat, so why not do it properly, eh?

REMEMBER

As far as I know, before looking at my first article – Start – on this blog, I can tell that I have always wanted to write down my thoughts. Maybe because my mind never runs out of them. I always have thoughts running around from one corner of my mind to the other. To the middle. Upwards. Sideways. Back and forth. And, that’s how I know I’m like you – an entity with a brain, and that too of a human. So cool, right?

Right, so now that I’ve taken a look at the article and I am close, but not nearly in remembering why I started. Here’s what I can make out after reading (skimming through) it:

  • I wanted to share my journey with the world
  • Showcase my photography and grow at it
  • Get better at writing

I can see why I want to do the last two of these three – they seem (but, are not) physical as reasons to start a blog. But, why would someone want to share their journey with the world when no-one has ever asked for it. I don’t know.

Hopefully, we can answer that in the reasons to come.

REASON

Fuck it, I love writing and that’s enough of a reason for me. Onto the next one.

REPEAT

It’s pretty clear that my previous way of doing things around the blog have worked their potential in building what’s currently the status of this blog. I might have never imagined a number like 8,000 to be the number of hits on this website. It’s a small number, compared to the other big players, but I’m no player at this game you’re referring to. I do this for me and the few readers (thank you) who come visit my blog now and then.

But, it’s not enough. See there’s this simple will to grow in me. And, I am seeking the help of this blog in getting there. I am not looking to be perfect at life. I’m not stupid enough to expect that out of my journey. But, I want to try and be the imperfect-yet-comfortable-with-his-life kind of human. I don’t want to wake up late and regret rest of the day waking up late. Instead, I’ll build the habit to wake up early. I don’t want to regret not cycling and instead make my own ways of cultivating the good habit. You get the idea right?

I just want to attempt at things that are possible for me to do. I don’t want to be the richest person. But, I want to make sure I don’t face any money problems in my life. And, the only way to do that is to get rich. There’s simply no harm in wanting to get rid of the bad tomato in your life, and replace it with a gem.

NOTE: I read this somewhere, probably on Twitter, and it has stuck with me forever: Money doesn’t solve all your problems. It does solve your money problems.


All I know from what I know is that I am not always uncertain. Who is? What happens when we know all the time? Wait, do you – now – know what I am telling?

Enough of the riddle twister.

Back to here. Why do I write? And, why should I write? Don’t mix the two, they can be as different as the poles – but they’re just really the same at the end of a stick. There’s ice and there is me – drowing away.

The simple will to grow. It never fades or shuts down, right? We all, assuming there’s sanity in this world, grow in their life. Whether you like it or not, you have stopped riding a tricycle. And, so, I too want to grow.

So, I’ll repeat the cycle. Tomorrow, I take birth to the change that is. To the future that lies in darkness, or should I say – a blinding bright star?

The simple will to grow.

2020: In The End

I have never done a thing like rewinding my year to look back on it because I’ve never come across an year like 2020 in all my life. Spoiler alert, it is my best one yet and I don’t hate it.

Yes, you read that right – I had a great time this year unlike the popular opinion, however, I do share some of those opinions as well. Like, I learnt how tough it is for a few douche-bags to not wear a mask. That it takes courage to be alone. That it sucks to be alone. And, so on. Yet, this has been my best year so far because I want to look at it that way. What’s good for me if I completely hate it, right?

“Say No To Hatred!” should replace “No Smoking” in restaurants in the age of polarization.

That’s all I have to say about my hatred towards hatred. Let’s get going with the good of this year. 2020 brought me so many opportunities, stories, lessons and accomplishments that I almost hate why I never looked at life the way I did this year. Maybe it’s my age (turns out I’m growing) or maybe the circumstances (lockdown + free amount of free time) made me pause and contemplate more than I’ve ever done. It’s good to contemplate. It’s always good to contemplate.

For starters, I’ve been healthier than ever – one of the achievements I’d like to bag in this year. I don’t do much to work out, but I try to stay active and eat healthy. But, I still love pizza, rolls and whatever (edible) junk you can put cheese on and have beer with. However, it’s important to stay fit. Good for your mind, good for your breath. I’m waiting to pick up my mountain bike from the store. So, in 2021 you can expect a few thoughts on cycling to slide (or should I say ride) into the blog here and there.

Back to 2020.

This year, I’ve been much more calmer and aware of my surroundings – thanks to my struggles on keeping consistency with the process of meditation. And, I am acing it at life (in general, at least, to my standards) by even just getting up daily to face the day. And, it can get mundane.

It is boredom, that usually wins – but, I’m working on it. I don’t think I have ever faced so much of a bad tongue for everything. I don’t like watching shows or movies anymore like I used to, probably because I have overcooked that bit way too much this year. No thriller excites me anymore. I’d rather watch my old favourites over new ones.

I hope my attitude towards boredom changes. As Tim Urban says, according to his Pixel Theory, that life is a picture while we live in a pixel. Maybe my life is not boring, it’s only repetitive. Including things I love to do, on repeat, is the only way out. The struggle is real.

Speaking of struggles, I have realised how much my struggle to be a better human matters. It matters not just for me but everyone around me. I’ve given myself into the notions of being kind to others because that’s the only way we can be happy together. What’s the point of being happy alone?

If there is any point, I think I know what it means. I’ve found my share of happiness in solitude.

But, it’s much easier to be all alone by yourself – as happy – I have realised. Because, it takes more than just your own feel-good efforts to be happy with the people around you. I have learned that we all struggle in being kind to others because some can be really just not worth it. But, they are always worth it – more than ever. They too are just humans wanting to be kind but often fail at it. It’s nobody’s fault but somebody’s. I’m no psychologist, so I won’t suggest shit about judging others. But, it makes only sense to me to be kind to others in a world filled with assholes.

Not that it matters, but I hope I’ll build the habit to keep others around me happy. I hope you do too. This brings us to the end of my rewind to 2020 and much like the year I don’t think my article is certain or that it matters to be blamed for a terrible time.

Thank you for being my reader and for supporting my efforts. You are kind, see? Not that hard like the way people make a fuss about it. See you in 2021 with much more exciting articles, thoughts on amazing books and just taking it easy.

Tell me how was your year in the comments. And, sign up (below) to get notifications directly to your mail next time I post something. This year I have written over thirty-eight thousand words and it felt like a hundred or so. Okay, maybe it felt like a thousand but it’s crazy what consistency can result in. A 100 day streak and a million more thoughts!

Read about Norwegian Wood here.