The simple will to grow

I visited my previous article, All eyes on me, to check out what’s going on with the blog. I read it some time ago. And, here’s what I think: I’ve lost the touch, it seems. And, I don’t really like the way I have structured the whole article either. When I fail to make out what I’m saying, I feel embarrassed. And, it does seem like I’ve lost the touch of some kind. But, I still know how to write – so I’m not going to claim that I’ve lost the touch of writing. It’s an impossible thing to happen out of the few impossible things to happen in this world.

It’s like swimming. Once you learn how to swim, you are least likely to forget the form next time you’re drowning. This article is my attempt at swimming, somewhere between the lines of deep-diving at nineteen and drowning at twenty-two.

We’ll know what we’ve lost, as a blog. Here’s what we’ll do (I’ll do) to get back on the track:

  1. REMEMBER
  2. REASON
  3. REPEAT

I just came up with three “REs” just like that. Always a fan of such patterns.


First, I’ll try to remember why I started this blog – or the whole journey of creativity in general. Then, I’ll argue my reasons for doing what I did as a writer (self-acclaimed, phew). And, I’ll probably end up luring myself to repeat the habit of writing.

We know we’ll repeat, so why not do it properly, eh?

REMEMBER

As far as I know, before looking at my first article – Start – on this blog, I can tell that I have always wanted to write down my thoughts. Maybe because my mind never runs out of them. I always have thoughts running around from one corner of my mind to the other. To the middle. Upwards. Sideways. Back and forth. And, that’s how I know I’m like you – an entity with a brain, and that too of a human. So cool, right?

Right, so now that I’ve taken a look at the article and I am close, but not nearly in remembering why I started. Here’s what I can make out after reading (skimming through) it:

  • I wanted to share my journey with the world
  • Showcase my photography and grow at it
  • Get better at writing

I can see why I want to do the last two of these three – they seem (but, are not) physical as reasons to start a blog. But, why would someone want to share their journey with the world when no-one has ever asked for it. I don’t know.

Hopefully, we can answer that in the reasons to come.

REASON

Fuck it, I love writing and that’s enough of a reason for me. Onto the next one.

REPEAT

It’s pretty clear that my previous way of doing things around the blog have worked their potential in building what’s currently the status of this blog. I might have never imagined a number like 8,000 to be the number of hits on this website. It’s a small number, compared to the other big players, but I’m no player at this game you’re referring to. I do this for me and the few readers (thank you) who come visit my blog now and then.

But, it’s not enough. See there’s this simple will to grow in me. And, I am seeking the help of this blog in getting there. I am not looking to be perfect at life. I’m not stupid enough to expect that out of my journey. But, I want to try and be the imperfect-yet-comfortable-with-his-life kind of human. I don’t want to wake up late and regret rest of the day waking up late. Instead, I’ll build the habit to wake up early. I don’t want to regret not cycling and instead make my own ways of cultivating the good habit. You get the idea right?

I just want to attempt at things that are possible for me to do. I don’t want to be the richest person. But, I want to make sure I don’t face any money problems in my life. And, the only way to do that is to get rich. There’s simply no harm in wanting to get rid of the bad tomato in your life, and replace it with a gem.

NOTE: I read this somewhere, probably on Twitter, and it has stuck with me forever: Money doesn’t solve all your problems. It does solve your money problems.


All I know from what I know is that I am not always uncertain. Who is? What happens when we know all the time? Wait, do you – now – know what I am telling?

Enough of the riddle twister.

Back to here. Why do I write? And, why should I write? Don’t mix the two, they can be as different as the poles – but they’re just really the same at the end of a stick. There’s ice and there is me – drowing away.

The simple will to grow. It never fades or shuts down, right? We all, assuming there’s sanity in this world, grow in their life. Whether you like it or not, you have stopped riding a tricycle. And, so, I too want to grow.

So, I’ll repeat the cycle. Tomorrow, I take birth to the change that is. To the future that lies in darkness, or should I say – a blinding bright star?

The simple will to grow.

Contemplate

I think I think too much. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why we all are born – to think of the reasons why we are born at all. I start my day wondering about what I’ll make of it, and end it thinking what I made of it.

In these thoughts, I end up making nothing of my time. I am not my thoughts.

Don’t you get sick of it? Your voice repeatedly telling what this could be and what that was. How this works? Why does it work? What works and what does not? There is no control to what we think. And, perhaps there never will be in a world so sane. It’s impossible for one to not think. It’s almost as if one would stop breathing.

You breathe, you think.

Breath is all it takes to solve this. You are not your thoughts. You are the breath, you repeat your rhythm. Your thoughts are only but a perspective of a dimension so cleanly not possible by me to describe. I’ve been meditating now and then. It’s hard to not only get rid of the bad habits for me – but also to cultivate good ones.

What is your meditation? Your time writing something. Your dance. Your ride to the mountain peak. Your breath.