I’ll take my debts to Ganga.
I feel very connected to everything, and I love that about me. Even you should. It helps me stay unattached, in strange ways. All the while, it somehow works for me.
Thinking deeply about something, and the next moment knowing that the thought was for that moment. Let’s always keep it that way. If I attach it to something other than the moment itself, it becomes a nasty problem. The one where I feel like the very good pillars on which that moment stood are now being pissed on by relations, time, and other feelings. It is now an attachment to the feeling I had that moment. If it makes any sense, live now and only for now. I know you have heard many people say “don’t think about the past, or the future too much” and they could not have been more correct about this one suggestion.
Attachment, as written in my mom’s bio on WhatsApp, is the root of suffering.
To me, all of what I said above, is somehow related to water. Water, to me, is essential. Oh, such discoveries while I write, makes me laugh. Is water really that essential to you, a metabolic mechanism, Shreyas?
Anyhow, be it any bad feeling, I resort back to taking control of my breath. In, out. And, end up drinking water. It works. This might sound stupid at first. But, discovering more about what water means to me might make us, for the lack of a better word, enlightened.
As I look at it, all that is to make sense to me ends up being a pattern of randomness, and thus making sense to me. How do I say it?
I can’t, and it will be my ultimate goal to put out this very non-sensical idea in my films. And, one day a film made by me will make it a notion believable by anyone who sees it. When he or she does, I also hope it comes to them with the only meaning of not having one. Similar to this notion, water, as in rivers – keeps flowing, but there is this sense of unchanging behaviour of the very drops this river carries. It itself is the drop, and the river.
It feels very good to be at fear of the river changing it’s flow. This fear is very similar to my other fears in life. And, as I watch the flow still being there, maybe at a different speed, I can still see and sense this wide range of possible ways to get me out of this fear. I can work on my problems, and treat them if they can be treated. If they can’t be treated, we can at least get comfortable with this gyp. It’s there, we know that. And, if there’s nothing we can do about it – we know that we’re wrong. We can definitely do something about it, but just not now.
As Dr. Anand Pandurangi puts it very finely into words:
“Sometimes, time is a very good aid for healing”
These complications make it hard for one to put all notions under one roof. One certain meaning, a uniform understanding about all of this may not be achieved. Again, this gyp is so much of a discomfort than a cheat on your instincts.
We’ll let this wave hit us, and we’ll flow.